


the experience is the reward

by WattStalf



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Awkward First Times, Bi-Curiosity, Cunnilingus, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, HOO BOY WHERE TO START, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Fantasy, Sibling Incest, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, and actual sex with jakob, everyone else is a fantasy, except for a kiss with felicia, its all fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 19:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9622283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Corrin grows up secluded, and with questions that she has to try to answer on her own. She is left with only her fantasies, and only her servants and her siblings to fantasize about, but if she wants to gain real experience, she has few she can turn to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what the fuck this is  
> basically corrin's naivete and a lot of weird fantasy porn and her having feelings she believes to be incestuous and also she's bi af but doesn't realize it cos she doesn't realize that bisexuality is a thing???? anyway this is a mess  
> She does genuinely fuck Jakob, but everyone else she just fantasizes about fucking  
> sorry i wrote this

She grows up secluded, but she certainly grows, and there comes a point in Corrin’s life when she begins to develop new desires, ones that she doesn’t quite understand and doesn’t have anyone to ask about them. Well, she  _ could _ ask any one of her servants or siblings, but she has a feeling that this is not something that she should discuss with them.

The only answers she can find are within books, and she soon finds herself diving into less-than-savory selections, discovering everything she can. The most important thing she learns in all this time is that what she wants is something that is meant to be shared between two people, and that is when she begins to think about those servants and those siblings in ways that she is certain she isn’t supposed to.

But it isn’t as if she has anyone else to think about. She has no real options, as they are the only people she interacts with, and as wrong as she knows it may be, she thinks of Xander first. Her older brother, one of the strongest, most steadfast men she knows, and certainly the handsomest. He has been there for her for as long as she can remember, and she cares for him greatly.

At first, she only thinks about what it would be like to kiss him, and for real, none of the affectionate, familial kisses her sister has shared with her. She thinks he would be strong but gentle, leading her along and teaching her all that she does not know, and that is what leads into other fantasies. If she asked nicely, he could teach her everything, his hands roaming down, helping her out of her clothes…

The first time she allows her fantasy to get this far, she forces herself to stop thinking about it immediately, terrified of how it’s making her feel, thinking about brother like this. But then, her feelings win out, and she can’t help returning to the fantasy, imagining Xander’s hands exploring her body, imagining that he is the one touching her even though, of course, there is only her.

The time she spends on her own, thinking about him and his touch, is long and frustrating, as she tries to figure out what she is supposed to do, what she is supposed to imagine Xander showing her. It takes her so long to find just how she should touch herself, but when she does...when she does, she is overwhelmed by sensation, nearly drowned in pleasure like she’s never felt before.

She knows that this won’t be the last time, that she absolutely has to have more.

~X~

_ “If you need me to help you, you only have to ask,” Xander says with a kind smile, gently laying her down. “It’s my pleasure, sister.” _

_ “I didn’t know who else I could go to,” she murmurs. “You’ve always been so good to me, but I hate to bother you.” _

_ “It’s never any bother if it’s for you.” He captures her lips in a kiss as he climbs on top of her, and she squirms beneath him in anticipation. She wants him so badly she can’t stand it, and she wraps her legs around his waist as presses himself inside of her. _

~X~

For quite some time, she thinks only of Xander. Her oldest brother haunts her in her private moments, though she is wracked with guilt whenever he has one of his rare visits. She can’t look at him without thinking of her fantasies, and she is overcome with both shame and arousal. Though she loves the fantasies that he plays a part in, she thinks that it might be best to focus on a new target, someone who might fill her with less guilt.

She settles on Jakob, someone she sees far more often than her brother, but someone who isn’t one of her brothers. No matter how close they may be, they are nothing more than master and servant, which means that she shouldn’t have to feel guilty. And he’s always so willing to do anything he can for her, it’s easy to imagine him being willing enough to go along with something like that.

~X~

_ “We can practice together,” she says. “I don’t have much opportunity to practice otherwise.” _

_ “I understand, milady, and I am more than happy to help you however you need! Would you like it if I kissed you?” When she nods, he leans forward to kiss her, and for a brief flash, it’s Xander, but then it’s Jakob, like it’s supposed to be. He looks so very eager, and she wants him, she wants  _ him  _ this time. _

_ He kisses down along her neck while he fucks her, moaning her name against her skin, and she is completely helpless beneath her butler’s touch. His rhythm is different than Xander’s, a bit faster, more frantic and inexperienced, though he’s embarrassed by this, and he often apologizes and tries to take things slower. _

_ Corrin doesn’t mind, however, and she tells him that she just wants him to be himself, and he tells her he loves her. She isn’t prepared for that, and doesn’t know how to respond, but Jakob doesn’t mind. _

~X~

Corrin doesn’t really know why she imagined Jakob confessing feelings to her. Perhaps because romance is so prevalent in the books she reads, though even in her fantasy she wasn’t sure if she wanted to respond in kind. She knows about as much about love as she does sex, but when she thinks about it, she knows that she wants to be in love with  _ someone _ , someday.

“Do you think I’ll ever get married?” she asks Felicia one day.

“I’m sure you will!” her maid replies, seeming surprised by the sudden question. “Oh, but I guess you don’t have your eye on anyone, do you? Well, you should have the chance to meet someone someday!”

“What about you?” asks Corrin. “Do you you think you'll ever get married?”

At that, Felicia blushes, looking down and saying, “Well, I’d definitely  _ like _ to someday, but my first priority is always you!”

“I wonder what it’s like…”

“What do you mean?”

“Everything,” she says. “Have you ever kissed anybody before?”

“N-no! Oh, no, no, I’ve never done anything like that before!” Felicia waves her hands while she speaks, emphasizing her point.

“What do you think it’s like?”   
“Where are all these questions coming from?”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about it lately,” she says. “Can I talk to you about something secret?”

“Of course! You can trust me with anything!”

“I really wish I had someone to practice with,” she confesses, wondering if she should bring up Jakob, and see if Felicia thinks he would want to help her. “If I ever do get married, I doubt I’ll know what to do.”

“O-oh…” Felicia blushes harder, her eyes roaming all over the room, rather than focusing on Corrin. “You...want someone to practice with?”

“I do. Do you think it would be strange to practice with somebody I knew well? To practice with...one of my servants?” She feels foolish for asking for advice about this; if she wants to do something with Jakob, she knows that she just needs to be direct with him.

However, Felicia swallows hard and looks up at her. “If you’d like to kiss me, I can allow that,” she says.

“Wh-what?” Corrin jumps at her words. That certainly hadn’t been what she was expecting, nor was it what she had been going for, but now she can’t help but think about it, and consider what it means. Felicia would let her practice...Felicia would kiss her…

“Is that not what you meant?” asks Felicia, horror clear on her face. “I-I thought-! Oh, please, forget I said that, please!”

By now, the princess is far too embarrassed to bring up Jakob, and she decides, for both of their sakes, to play along. “No, no, don’t worry,” she says. “That’s exactly what I meant. If you’d like to help me, I’d...really appreciate that.”

Felicia nods and says, “Okay, we can...I don’t know how to do it, but we can try! Between the two of us, I know we can figure it out!”

Her enthusiasm is so adorable that it’s easy to forget that Corrin is doing all of this because of the impure desires that have begun to plague her. She and Felicia experiment for a while, trying to figure out how to do it, and it ends with them bumping heads far too often before they finally work something out. The maid’s lips are soft, and the experience is incredibly pleasant, warm, intimate. A lot of words come to mind, but when Corrin opens her eyes and remembers she’s sharing this kiss with Felicia, not Xander or Jakob, she pushes those thoughts away.

She thanks a red-faced Felicia for the help, and the two agree that it was strange and to not speak of it again. It’s hard to tell what the maid is thinking, but Corrin definitely thinks it’s for the best to avoid taking this any further. Neither of them know what they’re doing, so their practice might not amount to much in the end, anyway.

~X~

_ Corrin rests her hand between Felicia’s legs, touching her the way she’s touched herself when she’s alone. The maid whimpers and squirms, asking Corrin if it’s supposed to feel this strange. _

_ “It is,” the princess replies. “It’s really good when you get used to it, I promise. Just think about a boy touching you, if that helps.” _

_ “Okay...I’ll try.” _

_ The two of them are comfortable doing this because they’re just practicing. Corrin doesn’t think anything strange about doing these things with another girl, as long as they’re learning together, and she has so many things she wants to teach her adorable, clumsy maid. For both of their sakes, they have a lot of practicing to do. _

~X~

The fantasy catches Corrin off guard, but it gives her just as much pleasure as any of her fantasies about Xander or Jakob. And she really does believe that there’s nothing unusual about two girls learning together; after all, who else would she be able to trust for something like that?

However, she has no intention of pursuing anything further with Felicia. She’s afraid that she wouldn’t actually be able to keep something going, and that she wouldn’t really have all that much to show Felicia. Not to mention the fact that the other girl’s clumsiness would slow things down a lot. Corrin knows that her fantasy will have to remain a fantasy, just like all the others.

But that doesn’t stop her from thinking about someone else who might be able to help her learn. Her older sister, Camilla, carries herself like someone with plenty of experience, and if Corrin were to only ask, she’s sure that she would be all too willing to help her out. Though the two of them don’t see each other nearly enough, Camilla adores her. Wouldn’t it be just right?

~X~

_ There are things that Camilla knows that even Corrin isn’t sure about, but she’s always so warm and reassuring. Everything she does feels right, and Corrin knows that she could not have selected a better teacher. _

_ “Have you read about this before in your books?” she asks, her voice muffled as she nuzzles between Corrin’s thighs. _

_ “Once or twice,” Corrin mumbles, shifting nervously. It doesn’t come up often, but it comes up enough that she’s curious, and of course Camilla wants to help her with that. Of course she does, and she buries her tongue inside of her little sister, but try as she might, Corrin can’t truly imagine what that would feel like. _

~X~

For a few days, Corrin is hung up on the idea of working alongside her fellow women to explore their bodies and learn their own secrets. First and foremost, there is Camilla, and sometimes Felicia returns. There are even flashes of Flora, of Lilith, and once, she tries to imagine helping Elise along, imagining herself in the role of the experienced older sister.

But with the idea of playing the role of an experienced older sister comes the reminder that she has another brother, and though she had nearly managed to swear off all fantasies regarding Xander, her fantasies regarding Leo soon begin to pop up. The poor thing certainly seems like he’d need any help he could get, and she imagines herself guiding him along, showing him everything that he needs to know.

~X~

_ “I’m sure I’ll be fine,” he says, a little bit stubbornly, and she laughs. He blushes and says, “What’s so funny?” _

_ “Nothing, nothing. But, you know, we all have to learn at some point.” She thinks of herself as an expert at kissing now, and his lips have a soft, feminine feel to them when they’re pressed against hers. Leo clings to her, and she can feel his arousal as he presses ever closer to her. He certainly needs her guidance, no matter how he may insist that he’s fine, that he’s not a child and he knows what he’s doing. _

_ But still, he trembles as she helps him out of his clothes, and he blushes and can’t meet her eye as she pushes him down and climbs on top of him. When she sinks down onto him with a soft moan, he is left a whimpering mess, and she shows him just how much he has yet to learn. If he finishes a little too quickly, she promises herself that she’ll reassure him, that she’ll make sure he knows that’s okay too, like any good sister would. _

~X~

As guilty as she knows she should feel for fantasizing about Leo, Corrin can’t help her mind traveling in the other direction and her thoughts soon return to Xander. There is something about her older brother that continues to captivate her, even if she knows that it must be wrong. It must be, and yet...he’s so very handsome and kind, and if she could be with anyone, she would want it to be someone like him.

And her fantasies always involve him taking such good care of her, and as much fun as it sounds to look after Leo, she knows that she wouldn’t actually have the experience necessary to pull something like that off. She needs Xander to take care of her, to show her the ropes.

But if she is thinking of strong, reliable, steadfast men that she knows, experienced men who could teach her the ways of the world, then there is one other who comes to mind…

~X~

_ “Please forgive me if it takes me a moment to get used to things,” Gunter murmurs as he holds her close. “It has been a while for me, you know.” The man has been like a father to her for her entire life, more so than her actual father, and Corrin knows that that makes this wrong, probably as wrong as anything she would do with Xander. _

_ But there is no one in the world she trusts more than Gunter, and therefore no one in the world who would be better to show her what she needs to know to truly become a woman. There is no doubt in her mind that he has the experience necessary, and his touch is so skilled, so precise. _

_ He explains things as he goes, his voice even and steady as he lets her ride him, holding onto her hips and helping her set the pace, smiling up at her and telling her that he’s proud, that she’s doing so good at this, that she’s so very good. Corrin comes easily, easier than she ever has before. _

~X~

She has a hard time facing Gunter for a few days after that, and if he notices, he doesn’t say anything, which she is grateful for, as she isn’t sure how she would explain her behavior if questioned.

The guilt is simply too much for her to bear, no matter how pleasurable the fantasy may have been. She wonders about his experience, but she knows that he could never really show her, that that would be crossing some sort of line. And so, her fantasies return exclusively to Xander, the brother she hardly sees but the man she wants more than she could possibly say.

~X~

Once, when he visits, she wonders. She wonders what would happen if she grabbed at his hand while they sit side by side, what would happen if she asked him to help her, the way Felicia offered. What would happen if she kissed him without warning?

She knows better than to try, however.

~X~

_ “I love you,” she tells him, and it's the first time she's said something like this. She doesn't really know if it's love or not, but… _

_ But she wants it to be, and she wants Xander to love her. Because she wants him to, he does, answering her exactly how she wishes. “I love you, my little princess,” he says. “I love you more than anyone in this world.” _

_ Whenever he fucks her now, he always tells her how much he loves her, and his lips always feel just like Felicia’s. _

~X~

Jakob comes close to catching her a few times, when she's pleasuring herself, sometimes even to thoughts of him. Though she thinks of his less often lately, as she begins to accept her preference toward her older brother, there are still times when she thinks of her butler, and there are many close calls.

Fortunately, he never guesses what she's doing- or maybe unfortunately. After all, if he were to catch her, he might offer assistance, and then, perhaps, she could get some of the experience she so desires. Even if Jakob isn't her first choice, she decides that he's a close second, especially given how handsome he's grown up to be. He isn’t Xander, but by now she knows that she will never have Xander, and she decides that if she’s going to do something, it has to be with Jakob.

One evening, she calls him into her room when she knows that the maids should be sleeping, when she thinks that she shouldn’t have to worry about Gunter coming in to check on her. Jakob seems concerned as it isn’t often she calls him into her room at night.

“What’s the problem, milady?” he asks her.

“It...probably isn’t something you’re expecting,” she says softly, a bit shy now that she actually has him in front of her.

“No matter what it is, I promise that I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

“Have you ever been with a woman before?” she asks, nearly directly quoting one of the novels she’s read.

His face visibly flushes and he jumps back, stammering, “M-m-milady?! D-do you mean what I...think you mean?”

“I’m just curious,” she replies. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but if you do, please be honest.”

“You’ve known me for quite some time,” he says. “I...in all that time, you must know I never had much opportunity.”

“I see…” She isn’t sure if she should feel disappointed that he doesn’t have any more experience than her, or if she should feel happy that, if he goes through with this, she will be his first. “I’m curious about a lot of things, you know.”

“Milady?”

“I had hoped that I could learn something from you, but even if we’d be learning together...I’d like to get some experience with you, Jakob.”

His already flushed face goes absolutely scarlet, and it takes him a moment to collect himself before he is able to answer her. “Lady Corrin, I...you know I would do anything for you, don’t you? But, even if...even if I weren’t your butler, I would…that is, you’re so lovely that I would…”

“You mean that?” she asks with a smile. “Thank you so much, Jakob.”

“I may not have the experience you’d like in a partner, but I promise you that I’ll do my absolute best for you.” A troubled look crosses his face. “Though, you have to know that no one can find out about this. Your father would have my head if one of your brothers didn’t get to me first, and I hate to even imagine what Gunter would do.”

“If you're going to worry about your potential punishment, I have to warn you that Camilla would be after your head as well,” she teases.

Giving a visible shudder, he says, “Please don't remind me.”

There is a few moments in which neither of them know what to do, and they hesitate, not able to make eye contact. Finally, Jakob clears his throat and says, “Do you...want me to start, milady?”

“Could you...kiss me first?”

“Of course!” he answers quickly. “My lips are ready to serve!” He winces as soon as the words are out of his mouth, but she doesn’t bother teasing him, not now, when they’re so close. She closes her eyes in anticipation, and soon enough, she feels his hand on the back of her head, and his lips press against hers.

At first, all she can do is mentally compare this kiss to the one she shared with Felicia, but she tries not to think of the maid, tries to keep everything in the moment. His lips are still soft, and his kiss is gentle and hesitant, and she relaxes her body against his, feeling him stir as his arousal grows. She wants this to feel as natural as possible.

Their clothes start to come off while they are still kissing, and then they have to break the kiss, awkwardly shedding what is left until they are both entirely exposed before one another. Corrin hasn’t stopped to think about what Jakob might think of her body, and is briefly self-conscious, too worried about how she looks to even think about the young man before her.

But he blushes, openly gawking at her before clearing his throat again and saying, “I...apologize for staring, milady, but you’re absolutely stunning.”

“Oh, um...thank you,” she murmurs, and then she lays back, because she doesn’t know what else to do from here. Jakob nods, climbing on top of her, visibly nervous as she wraps her legs around his waist. She isn’t actually sure if that’s something she’s supposed to do or not, but she’s referencing books completely now.

It takes him a moment to get his position right, but soon enough, she can feel his erection pressed against her, teasing at her, and her breath hitches in her throat. She remembers that she has to stay relaxed to try and avoid pain, and she remembers that it will probably hurt anyway, but when Jakob asks her if she’s ready, she doesn’t hesitate to tell him that she is.

For a moment, she can hardly breathe, and she clings to his shoulders, digging her nails in so deep that she’s sure that she’s hurting him. She may even draw blood, but it _hurts_ and no amount of reminding herself to relax can fix that. Jakob, to his credit, goes as slowly as he can, but even once he’s completely inside of her, she aches and needs a lot of time to catch her breath.

Her butler trembles on top of her, shaking with the effort of holding still, of holding back until she’s ready. It’s his first time as well, she knows, so if her reading is anything to go off of, this won’t last very long. She isn’t close yet, as the pain is too much, though there is some pleasure beginning to grow, buried behind that pain. If he finishes first...well, she knows that there are other things he can do for her.

Above all, she does her best not to think of Xander, though he is always at the edge of her thoughts. She is sharing this moment with Jakob, she needs to stay  _ in _ that moment with Jakob, and it has to be his name on her lips, not her brother’s. But when Xander’s face comes to mind, when she imagines the way he calls her “little princess”, when she thinks of his strong, steady hands, she can’t help herself, and she is seconds away from breathing out his name when she is fortunately interrupted.

Jakob stops short, panic on his face, and he scrambles back. She is slow in realizing what is happening, but she manages to let go of him just in time for him to pull out, and he comes on her stomach. The texture is strange, and it is warm; he blushes furiously and stammers, “I-I-I promise, I’ll clean that at once, milady!”

She nods, breathless, laying back and thinking about what’s just happened. Jakob fetches something to wipe her stomach with, and she tells herself that she’s done it, that she’s had her first time now. She’s sore, and she likely will be for some time, but she supposes that’s something she just has to deal with in exchange.

“Would you...like anything else?” he asks, after a moment. “Not that that didn’t suffice for me! I only meant...if you’d like for me to pleasure you further.”

Though he’s never used his mouth for anything like this before, he proves to be a very quick study, and Corrin finds this much more pleasant than actually fucking him.

~X~  
  
As Corrin listens to Xander training outside her window, one night during one of his visits, she touches her and fantasizes about him, and though he fucks her like Jakob and kisses her like Felicia, it is only his voice that speaks to her.

_ “I love you, my little princess.” _

**Author's Note:**

> kill me


End file.
